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Labels: accident, kham

Labels: kham, love, poem

I got this forwarded email from my mom, which i found interesting. Might as well share it with you guys. This is a nice article, though I don't know the author. I guess she's the one stated in the article. I hope the author didn't mind that I've posted her work here :)

I Lost More Than Virginity

“We got the test back yesterday,” she said. “Unfortunately, the result was positive.”

Silence. The room spun wildly. It seemed to be darkening and closing in. I struggled to listen to what she was saying, “I’m very sorry. There are several options and we need to discuss them. There’s adoption, or you could keep the baby yourself. Perhaps your parents will bring up the child.”

We discussed the options, but there didn’t seem to be any alternative to abortion. Both having been raised in Christian homes, we knew that the guilt involved would haunt us forever. But that seemed a small price to pay for the serenity of our parents. For their sanity, their reputation.

It took a lot of arranging and lying – even to the extent of obtaining a false Medicare card. But finally, I found myself in an OB-Gyne’s office in a neighboring town.

“Cynthia Romualdez.” It was hard to remember my false identity. “Cynthia Romualdez next, please.” The third time the name was repeated, I woke from my nervous stupor. Embarrassed, I rushed into the doctor’s office.

Finally, everything came out. Looking back, I was terribly naive. But the doctor was kind and sympathetic. She examined me – itself a painful experience, and commented that the uterus seemed too small for a 10-week pregnancy. She told me that she wanted to take another blood test before considering abortion.

It was small comfort, but raised my hopes. Returning home, I again fasted and prayed. I promised God that if He would only abort the child naturally, then I’d never sin again. A rash promise.

Two days later, I rang for the results. The test was negative. I cried and cried. All the pent-up emotion came out. For the first time in weeks, I slept soundly and awoke with the desire to live.

Why am I sharing this painful experience? Well, today I’m 19 years old. You often hear parents, preachers, teachers, warning about the danger of premarital sex. They often cite the current epidemic, AIDS, as prime evidence against this behavior.

But I wonder. Do they really know? Do they really know what it costs a girl in the 1990s – even in a steady relationship? Let me tell you what it cost me.

1. I lost my closest friend – with whom I had shared everything. We had shared our dreams for family, our plans for future careers, and for personal development.

Today, I hardly know that guy. He has fallen easily into another steady relationship. It hurts to even think about it – although I could never marry him. He’s not my type. We’ve both matured into two entirely different people in the past three years. We no longer share the same goals and interests.

2. I lost my family – No, they didn’t reject me. To this day, I don’t even know if they have heard my story. In an effort to protect them, I withheld the truth. First, with just little white lies. But eventually it was a life of total deceit. A once happy and open relationship with my parents soured. It is only in the past few months that we have been able to talk again.

3. I lost my self identity and my self-respect – I had always been an honest person – sometimes to the point of being tactless. And to live with a double life played havoc with my self-esteem. I began to doubt how genuine I was. I lost my faith in people.

4. I no longer look forward to marriage - I’m scared. Scared that I will never be able to give myself unreservedly again. Scared that will be unable to meet my partner’s need. Rationally, I know what I am wrong. Love-making for me became love-breaking.

5. I’ve lost the one fight that could have shown my future husband that I was giving him all – something special that was his alone, and that could never belong to another man on earth.
   

There are many other losses – the time that could have been spent meeting lots of other guys. Friends who became frustrated with what seemed an inexplicable morbidity. Emotional energy that drained me mentally and physically. My good grades became a thing of the past. And I possibly lost my baby.

I’m not sharing this to make a moral judgment on premarital sex. I just want to help others my own age to take an enlightened look into what it could cost them.

[xi] I'm not acting too religious nor being a sinless hypocrite here. I'm not pointing to someone else as well. Let's say, I just find it rewarding to give ALL for my future lifetime partner. And when I say all, it includes my BEST. Please don't get me wrong :)

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